Devastated and Blessed (part one)

I don't even know where to begin.  This post will be sad and joyous all at once. We are devastated. We are blessed.

I wasn't going to write this post.  I was going to keep this one between me, my family, and the people that love me.  But it's been on my heart to share this not only in my "trying to conceive" journal but to type it out.  I guess my prayer is that someone will stumble across this and see their story in what happened to us and not feel so alone.  That by leaning in hard on The Lord, the ultimate healer, their hearts can be mended and their bodies healed.  So here it goes...

We are devastated... our first child is in heaven.  We didn't get to hold him or hear a heartbeat.  We lost him/her to an ectopic pregnancy.  We nearly lost me.  Here's our story.

I woke up on December 28, 2013 feeling sick.  I was going to take a pregnancy test that day because I was  few days late.  But I woke up sick and my first thought was well I won't be peeing on any sticks today.  Then about 15 minutes later I woke up again knowing I was going to be sick.  I made it to the door.  The next thing I know Matt is standing over me saying "Lisa Lisa honey you passed out!"  He helped me back in bed.  I was so nauseated!  We thought it was a virus because at Christmas there was more than one sick person there and he had been sick the week before.  He got me some anti-nausea medicine and I slept. 

At some point I woke up again feeling like I was going to be sick.  Matt came to help me to the bathroom and I passed out again.  Again he's yelling my name.  Things are a bit of a blur for me from here on out.  I know I lost it.  Lost all control of my bodily functions and everything inside my stomach and intestines came out. I couldn't get up with out passing out so I just laid there getting sick in bed as my sweet husband tried to help me.

It was clear that I needed to get to a hospital.  Matt called my brother to help get me to the car.  But I kept getting sick and any time I moved I passed out.  He called an ambulance because there was no way they were going to be able to move me.

When the EMT's arrived I remember my blood sugar was high, they could never find my blood pressure, and I realized I was also in pain on my right side.  Like sharp stabbing pain that started in my stomach and went up to my shoulders.  Because our house is so small they couldn't use traditional stretcher so they were going to pick me up and put me on this chair thing.  Yep, passed right out again.  I maybe threw up on one of them.  In my mind one was new and one was old.  The new guy wanted to just put me on the chair and go regardless of my ability to stay conscience upright.  The old guy got permission to give me IV fluids and ordered another crew to come help.  Thank you old guy!

The second crew came (in a fire truck apparently) and they strapped me to a body board. The old guy handed me the IV bag and said, "Hold this and close your eyes."  Somehow they maneuvered me out to the ambulance and off we went.  I know Matt was with me only because he told me.  I also know that Johnny, Sonia, and Jackson were there too by then and followed with Matt's car.

I'll share more in another post.  Here is part two and here is part three.

(I'm pretty sure the only readers here are people that love me but maybe this will make it's way to someone who needs to read it.  Maybe I'll share it with more than my loved ones.)