I happened to notice that exactly one year ago I posted this, Quiet Monday.  One year ago we met with one more infertility doctor.  He was a straight shooter, as they say.  We left that appointment kind of numb.  The sky was reflecting our moods.  We spent a couple days feeling unsure and confused. 

Our small group prayed over us a couple days later.  We sat on the ottoman in our leaders' living room and they gathered around us and put their hands on us and prayed.  Prayed for our family, prayed for test results to turn out favorably, prayed for God to make it clear what our decision would be, what His plan was us.  I knew immediately what God wanted us to do.  I heard it so clearly I was sure it was audible to everyone else.  But it wasn't clear to everyone right away.

Matt was so surprised at my excitement when he told me later what he had heard in prayer.  That IVF wasn't for us and we shouldn't do it.  That is exactly what I heard while our group prayed over us.  I still get goose bumps thinking about it!  God is so good!

How are we doing one year later?  Still good! 

Is the desire to be a parent gone?  No, but we have given it over to God.  Knowing that our Heavenly Father has this under control is so peaceful. 

Do I still have moments of "really God her but not me"?  Absolutely, I'm human.  But we are surrounded with friends who love us and pray for us and still believe God will grow our family.   I still have days mourning our child and what could have been.  When a niece or nephew has a birthday I inevitably do the math to figure out how old our girl would have been. 

But if I turn to prayer I am reminded that we are on the right path, the path that God has set before us.  A speaker at our Perspectives class said that God doesn't show us the whole path or we would freak out (my words).  He shows us just a step at a time and as long as we are on that path we know we are honoring Him. 

Funny, as I was getting ready to hit publish on this post I noticed that Fulfilled Women's Ministry is rerunning my post on infertility (a topic I'll be talking about at the women's retreat - eek!). 

This is a new to me song that I have been enjoying on my Pandora Christian Contemporary station.  It speaks to me.



Popular Posts