Keeping it real
Most nights I sleep around 4-5 hours. Family and friends know I used to sleep 8-9 hours and could sleep through a tornado. I've been having some serious anxiety. My heart thumps, my mind races, my body aches, I've lost weight without even trying, I look like crud. I am really not happy and I've realized it's my job. Things have changed in my life a lot. I've been reading the Bible almost every day for over a year and that has rocked my world. I'm not where I am supposed to be, I'm not doing what I am supposed to be doing. I have to take a pill to make it out the door to get to work. I sometimes have to take a pill to even get that 4-5 hours of sleep. Did I mention the body aches? Ugh! I haven't even felt like cooking, baking, or shopping for items to cook and bake with. You know something's wrong when I don't want to do any of those things.
Now an opportunity has out of the blue presented itself to me. I don't really believe in out of the blue, I think God is behind this. This opportunity would mean serving my church and The Lord. It would mean a huge pay cut. It would mean not only quitting before the school year is up but before the semester is up. I would never be able to teach in my district again. There will be a lot of people mad at me. Maybe not even teach anywhere else. But when I was discussing this opportunity and learning what the job would entail I felt so much peace. Those back and neck muscles that are normally in knots were relaxed. I'm going to pursue this opportunity. I feel like God has put it out there for me. I may not get it, there are a couple more interviews to be had, those people may not think I'm right for the job. But I really feel pulled in the direction of at least trying.
Friends, Famliy, please pray for me. Pray that I make the right decision. Pray that I follow God's will. If I get the job pray that I'm allowed out of my contract with not too much legality thrown at me. I know they will throw some heavy guilt trip my way. I feel terrible leaving the people I work with high and dry. If I don't get offered that job pray that I find peace in my current situation. Pray for Matt. He's been my rock through this. He's been so supportive as I feel like I have been slowly losing it. He makes me feel like I'm not a complete mess.
Thanks for reading and allowing me to get it all out there. I'm terrible at keeping my own secrets. Anytime I have news, especially big heavy news, I feel the need to share.