Keeping it real

Most nights I sleep around 4-5 hours.  Family and friends know I used to sleep 8-9 hours and could sleep through a tornado.  I've been having some serious anxiety.  My heart thumps, my mind races, my body aches, I've lost weight without even trying, I look like crud.  I am really not happy and I've realized it's my job.  Things have changed in my life a lot.  I've been reading the Bible almost every day for over a year and that has rocked my world.  I'm not where I am supposed to be, I'm not doing what I am supposed to be doing. I have to take a pill to make it out the door to get to work. I sometimes have to take a pill to even get that 4-5 hours of sleep.  Did I mention the body aches?  Ugh! I haven't even felt like cooking, baking, or shopping for items to cook and bake with.  You know something's wrong when I don't want to do any of those things.   

Now an opportunity has out of the blue presented itself to me.  I don't really believe in out of the blue, I think God is behind this.  This opportunity would mean serving my church and The Lord. It would mean a huge pay cut.  It would mean not only quitting before the school year is up but before the semester is up.  I would never be able to teach in my district again.  There will be a lot of people mad at me. Maybe not even teach anywhere else.  But when I was discussing this opportunity and learning what the job would entail I felt so much peace. Those back and neck muscles that are normally in knots were relaxed.  I'm going to pursue this opportunity.  I feel like God has put it out there for me. I may not get it, there are a couple more interviews to be had, those people may not think I'm right for the job.  But I really feel pulled in the direction of at least trying.  

Friends, Famliy, please pray for me.  Pray that I make the right decision. Pray that I follow God's will.  If I get the job pray that I'm allowed out of my contract with not too much legality thrown at me. I know they will throw some heavy guilt trip my way.  I feel terrible leaving the people I work with high and dry.  If I don't get offered that job pray that I find peace in my current situation. Pray for Matt.  He's been my rock through this.  He's been so supportive as I feel like I have been slowly losing it. He makes me feel like I'm not a complete mess.  

Thanks for reading and allowing me to get it all out there. I'm terrible at keeping my own secrets. Anytime I have news, especially big heavy news, I feel the need to share.  


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